For more in depth, detailed information, visit our ebooks page hosting our eBook: "Empower Yourself" (Live your best healthy, balanced life).
Table of Contents
Control Over Your Life And Self-Empowerment
Taking control over your own life is the most self-empowering decision you can ever make. Many people believe they’re in control of their lives, but in reality, a variety of factors affect how they think they “choose” to live.
Learning how to break free from other people’s influences over how you should live your life is a major step toward taking control over it. To do this, you’ll need to learn how to make positive decisions based around what you want and need – not what other people believe you want or need.
Self-empowerment gives you control over your life and yourself AND control makes you self-empowered.
As well-meaning as some folks are, they don’t know you as intimately as you know yourself. When other people are allowed to make your decisions for you (even if they don’t mean to influence your decision making so intimately), you are no longer the person in control of your own life. To conquer this, you must learn how to take control of your own life.
What Does A Lack Of Control Over Your Life Look And Feel Like
Losing control over life can look and feel different for everyone. Since all people live fairly unique lives with their own sets of traits, experiences, and challenges, what constitutes “out of control” can vary widely between different folks’ perspectives.
Some people have a higher tolerance for handling unexpected challenges. For example, one difficult event may totally derail one person’s ability to move forward with their normal life, but the same event could affect another person far less severely.
While losing control over life can present uniquely between different people, there are a few common ways people describe what it feels like to lose control. For example:
Losing control over life can look completely normal to people outside of the situation.
This is one of the most unfortunate and tricky traits of losing control: Sometimes, it isn’t obvious at all when a person has lost control of their life!
People can feel like they’re losing control over their lives without it being noticeable. They may be able to keep up a normal outward appearance for their friends, family, and coworkers while they’re internally struggling with a lack of control. This “camouflage” is often very surface-level: The person may be keeping up their appearances and making it seem like their life is moving along normally, but on the inside, they’re existing in chaos.
This is why it’s important to check in with loved ones on a regular basis. Ask how they’re really doing, and if there’s anything you can do to support or help them. Similarly, if you notice you’re feeling like your life is out of control, don’t hesitate to contact someone in your support system for help.
2. Losing control over life can look like a mood shift.
When a person feels like their life is out of control, they may present with some out-of-character mood shifts. A normally happy and upbeat person may seem gloomy or depressed. A level-headed, calm person may develop some anxious traits.
Paying attention to other people’s moods (as well as your own) can help determine if they’re struggling with keeping their lives under control. A noticeable shift in a person’s usual demeanor can be a signal for something more serious happening in their life.
3. Losing control over life can look frantic.
A person who is struggling to maintain control over their life may appear frantic and rushed. Because they aren’t able to keep control over their life, they may feel like life is pushing them along at random – without any routines, schedules, or organization, they may feel like they’re struggling to keep up with life’s currents.
Because they don’t have any organization, the person’s lack of control can make them appear frantic. They may seem anxious, panicky, or stressed, constantly worried about what will happen to them next. Rather than having a plan for how to handle certain events and situations, they may seem like they’re allowing life to move them along randomly.
4. Losing control over life can look like lethargy or laziness.
Some people react to feeling like they’ve lost control of their lives by inaction. Everything feels so out of their ability to control that they simply don’t do anything. Rather than reacting or taking some sort of action, they almost seem to be frozen in place – this can be a bizarre reaction to others outside of their situation. If their life is spinning out of control, how can the person simply not do anything?
Losing control isn’t always obvious chaos. For many people, it looks like lethargy or laziness. Other people may assume the person is “too lazy” or “uninterested” in taking control over their life, but in reality, that person is likely not lazy at all. Instead, they’re likely intimidated by their lack of control.
5. Losing control can present in general unhappiness and dissatisfaction with life.
When a person’s life is not their own, such as the case when they are living someone else’s idea of what their life should be, this presents in a general unhappiness and dissatisfaction with life.
If we are to live satisfying and fulfilling lives, we must live true to our own dreams, desires and values.
5 Reasons People Lose Control Over Their Own Lives
The idea of a person losing control over their life may seem like a strange concept. How does an average, every day, independent person lose control over what’s happening in their own life? There are a variety of reasons why this happens, including:
Following other people’s ideas of what life should be.
Typically a lack of control over one’s life stems from not making decisions and choices that are true to oneself.
Parents, society, spouses and others have a greater influence over a person’s life choices which results in a great deal of lack of control.
2. A trauma or tragedy that disrupts the person’s usual habits and routines.
When a person experiences a tragic, life-altering traumatic event or tragedy, it’s not unusual for them to feel like they’ve totally lost control over their lives. Not only did the trauma totally change their “everyday normal,” but it will likely continue affecting them long after the dust settles and the initial traumatic event ends.
In the wake of trauma, many well-meaning friends and family members often flock to the affected person’s side – they want to support them through the pain. However, this can quickly lead to the friends and family members making decisions on the traumatized person’s behalf.
Over time, the traumatized person may feel like they can’t regain control over their lives and that other people are making their life choices for them.
3. A mental health challenge that makes staying organized, focused, or in control incredibly difficult.
Mental health challenges such as depression and anxiety can make a person feel like they’ve totally lost control of their lives. It’s difficult to take good care of yourself and move through your life feeling like you’re in control when you’re struggling with your mental health.
A hallmark trait of many mental health challenges is trouble focusing or a lack of motivation to get tasks accomplished. Over time, this can cause a person to feel like they’re constantly falling behind on everything they need to do. The lack of control associated with mental health struggles can make the person feel like their lives are far beyond their own control.
4. Uncertainty about the future or what the person wants for themselves in life.
Not knowing what they want in life can cause a person to feel like they have no control. When faced with an unlimited number of options and opportunities to go after whatever goals they want, a person may feel their fight, flight, or freeze reactions activate.
With so many different possibilities, how will they know they’re making the right choices? What happens if they make a choice that ultimately doesn’t bring happiness or success? These questions can trap the person into a spiral of “what if” thinking.
This amount of uncertainty can cause the person to feel like they have no control. Not knowing what they want to do with their future can make even the first step of working toward a goal – deciding what they want – feel impossible.
With no discernable direction toward a major goal, the person may feel like their life is totally going out of control.
5. A lack of self-confidence or self-esteem.
When a person’s self-confidence and self-esteem are low, it’s tough for them to feel like they have control over their lives. With low self-confidence, the person may feel like they aren’t capable of making good choices with their life. Low self-esteem may convince them that they’ll never be able to get their life together.
When low self-confidence and low self-esteem collide, they make a mess of a person’s ability to maintain control over their life. It’s difficult for someone to feel like they have control over their lives when everything inside of them is telling them they aren’t able to do it. With these internal forces fighting against them, the person can really struggle to manage their lives.
20 Tips To Take Control Of Your Own Life
Finding calm in the chaos can be a challenge. When you feel like your life is totally spinning out of control, finding your footing again can feel nearly impossible.
Self-empowerment is deeply rooted in having self-control and control over your own life.
Key skills include:
· Being proactive in your own life
· Making your own decisions
· Not engaging in people pleasing behaviors
· Autonomy
· Self-regulation
However, it is absolutely possible to regain a sense of order and control in your life – even if it feels impossibly complicated and messy. Consider the following tips to get started:
Determine if there’s anything in your life that is no longer serving you in a positive or helpful way anymore.
Are you holding on to old habits that no longer support or serve you? If so, it’s time to let them go. If you continually hold on to “how you’ve always done things” forever, you’ll accumulate a ton of little routines and habits that don’t serve you as well as they once did.
People’s habits and preferences tend to change as they grow – if you realize you’re still doing something out of habit that isn’t helpful to you anymore, consider cutting it out of your life or replacing it with something more useful. Keeping all these old habits around can make your life feel out of your control, disorganized, and chaotic.
2. Allow yourself to accept that some parts of your life are truly outside of your control.
Learning the difference between what can and cannot be changed is a key component of regaining control of your life. If you’re determined to change some parts of your life that can’t be changed, you may feel like you can’t have any control in your life at all. This can be incredibly discouraging when you’re trying to tackle things you can control.
3. Spend some serious time thinking about what you want in your life.
Many people feel out of control because they don’t have a solid vision of what they want in life.
If the idea of your future scares you, you may feel intimidated by the options or possibilities. What if you choose the wrong thing? What if you waste time on something you don’t really enjoy?
To alleviate these worries, spend some serious time thinking about what you want in life. Speak to people you trust, take your time and carefully visualize what your perfect future looks like and then weigh your different options carefully.
4. Raise your standards for what you believe you deserve.
Another important strategy to take control of your life is to raise your standards for what you believe you deserve.
Are you in the habit of putting others’ needs before your own? Do you think you shouldn’t have something nice in life due to past mistakes or errors? If so, you need to raise your standards. Treating yourself well ensures that you’ll feel more in control.
5. Avoid comparing yourself to others.
It’s tough to break a comparison habit, especially in the age of social media. When you constantly see your friends’ updates about all the awesome milestones they’re hitting and achievements they’re making, it’s easy to get lost in the glamor and feel like your own life is out of control in comparison.
6. Learn how to prioritize what really needs to get done.
Your to-do list is likely filled to the brim with little tasks and errands that need completing. If you feel like your to-do list is miles long, you may need to reconsider what really needs to be on the list and what could wait to be finished another time.
Practicing paring down your to-do list to feature 2-3 key tasks per day. By focusing on only a handful of important tasks each day, you're not risking overwhelming yourself.
7. Tune out the negative naysayers.
At some point or another, everyone experiences negative naysayers in their lives. These are the people who may not understand what you’re doing or why – they don’t understand why you want to live your life a certain way, and they may even pressure you to change what you’re doing or reconsider your choices.
When you hear these negative naysayers begin to raise their voices and share their negative energy with you, practice tuning them out. When you’re able to ignore the negative things, other people are saying, you can listen more closely to what you’re trying to tell yourself.
8. Start your day by doing something to improve or care for yourself.
Waking up early is a great way to squeeze in some extra “you time” into your schedule. Before you have to answer to the demands of your job, your responsibilities, your family, and any other obligations in life, wake up earlier each morning so you can have some private time to focus on yourself and your personal needs.
Different people approach this improvement and self-care time differently. Some different examples of activities include:
● Squeezing in some exercise
● Reading
● Solving puzzles
● Taking a long, hot bath or shower
● Enjoying a hot cup of coffee and/or breakfast
9. Challenge your self-limiting beliefs.
A great way to take more control in your life is to ditch your self-limiting beliefs. Many people form these when they determine they can’t do something before they even attempt it.
For example, you may tell yourself “I’m not talented enough to get that job” before you even try to apply or interview. This belief stops all possibility right then and there. Rather than allowing beliefs like these to stop you from going after new things or trying new experiences, consider the other side of this “what if” coin.
By ditching these types of self-limiting beliefs, you take more control of what happens in your own life by providing yourself with more opportunities for growth and exploration.
10. Stop worrying about whether or not your decisions or desires are going to offend people.
You may be nervous about how your friends and family will react to some of your life choices. To avoid confrontation or conflict, you may deny yourself what you really want in life. This can cause your life to feel out of control very quickly – living your life to suit the needs of others is unpleasant and uncomfortable. Instead, make decisions based on what you need and want in life to gain more control.
11. Learn how to slow down your thinking when your thoughts race.
If you suffer from anxiety or stress, you likely know how unpleasant racing thoughts can be. When this happens, you may feel very powerless and out of control.
To feel like you have more control, practice calming yourself through meditation and deep breathing exercises. Incorporating these into your regular routines can make it easier to regain your control when you feel like you’ve lost it.
12. Create some boundaries with others – and enforce them.
When people cross your personal boundaries and make you feel uncomfortable, your life can feel pretty out of control. It’s tough to deal with actions or behaviors from others that make you feel uncomfortable. Rather than allowing them to continue making you feel like you have no control, practice communicating your boundaries with them.
13. Remember that what’s conventional isn’t always what’s right for you.
Just because people have “always done it this way” doesn’t mean it’s necessarily the right way for you. When you’re feeling uncomfortable or unsuccessful trying to do something a certain traditional way, you may feel like you’re losing control of your life.
Allow yourself to explore some alternative methods and options – doing things your way can help you find success and feel more in control.
14. Get comfortable using the word “no.”
Telling someone “no” can be extremely tough. You may feel like you’re letting the other person down or disappointing them by declining their requests or offers. However, if you need to say no – for whatever reason you may have – get comfortable saying no. By allowing others to take advantage of your “yes” answers, you may lose control of your life quickly.
15. Embrace mistakes or failures as lessons learned.
Failing or making a mistake is no fun. However, rather than letting yourself sink into a pit of shame or self-pity, practice extracting the lessons learned from your mistakes instead. By doing this, you can take that knowledge and move forward in life, giving yourself more control over what happens next.
16. Build a little structure and predictability into your everyday life with some routines.
Routines aren’t boring – they give your life a little structure and predictability, which is foundational for feeling more in control. When certain parts of your day are automatic, you can get those specific tasks handled without much thought or effort involved. Establish some routines to give yourself some extra control in life each day.
17. Start using a calendar or datebook to keep track of appointments and events.
Leading a busy life can begin to feel out of control very quickly. Rather than allowing yourself to forget important tasks, events, or dates, get into the habit of keeping a calendar or datebook on hand to track your important obligations.
Having a schedule to keep you regimented and reminded of important tasks can make you feel more in control of your life and time.
18. Ask yourself if you’re using your time in the very best way possible.
Life is too short to be wasted on things you don’t enjoy. If you’re just eating to feel satisfied, focus on finding meals you really enjoy eating.
Rather than wasting time watching a TV show you’re not interested in viewing, spend your time engaged in an activity you really like doing.
Instead of taking the passenger seat in your own life, take more control by spending your time in the best ways possible.
19. Clean your personal spaces.
Messy personal areas can make your whole life feel out of control. When you’re dealing with home, car, and office clutter, it can be challenging to focus your attention on anything else.
Take some time to clean up these personal spaces – especially the ones where you spend the most time relaxing or working. Doing this can help clear your mind, feel lighter and more control and help you make more focused decisions.
20. Accept that multitasking isn’t really all it’s cracked up to be.
Many people regard multitasking as a desirable skill. Being able to balance two or more tasks simultaneously sounds too good to be true…because it is!
Truly, human beings can’t focus on multiple tasks at the same time in a way that gives adequate attention to each one. Even if you are managing to do more than one task at a time, you probably aren’t doing them very well – since you’re trying to focus on two or more things at once, nothing you’re doing is going to get the proper attention it needs. Instead, focus on one thing at a time to feel more in control of what’s happening in your life.
For more in depth, detailed information, visit our ebooks page hosting our eBook: "Empower Yourself" (Live your best healthy, balanced life).
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